February is International Boost Self-Esteem Month, recognized worldwide as a time to check in with ourselves and others on an important topic: self-worth! As a leader in children’s mental health, we at KVC Health Systems know how important a strong sense of self-esteem is in fostering resilient, strong children. How can parents and caregivers help their children build a strong foundation? Let’s explore the ins and outs of self-worth, what can damage self-esteem and tips to help children build confidence.

What is Self-Esteem and Self-Worth? 

Healthy self-esteem and self-worth are important because they are building blocks of good mental health and resilience throughout our lifetime. As the main support system for children, parents and caregivers play a key role in helping those in their care develop a strong sense of self. Setbacks and hard times may be inevitable. But with a sturdy foundation of self-esteem and self-worth, children can cope more effectively and bounce back more easily. 

The concepts of self-esteem and self-worth affect our ability to think, feel and behave in certain ways. They both play a key role in the way our overall wellbeing and mental health influence how we see ourselves. Although very similar, self-esteem and self-worth vary in a few ways. Self-esteem refers to how someone feels about themselves in relation to their skills and abilities. Self-worth refers to how someone values themselves and understands that they’re worthy of love and respect. 

While self-esteem often focuses more on the external aspects of life and how we can bring value to others and confidence in our talents, self-worth is more internally focused. For example, self-worth fills us with gratitude, while self-esteem allows us to feel confident. And self-worth helps us with self-acceptance, while self-esteem motivates us to achieve our goals.

With the internal focus on self-worth and the external focus on self-esteem, the balance of both concepts is necessary to develop a well-rounded approach to mental health and resilience. Since children aren’t born with these qualities naturally, they must be shown, and studies show the quality of their growth is largely based on their environments and support systems (home, school, teams and neighborhoods). For some children, these concepts are learned more positively than others; however, each of us has the potential for damage to be caused. 

How Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Become Damaged

Research indicates that children with low self-esteem and self-worth are more prone to develop mental health and social challenges. This can negatively impact their ability to cope with life’s ups and downs. For children who haven’t developed a full sense of self yet, actions and messages from others become a part of their self-image and reflect in the health of their self-esteem and self-worth.

Damage to self-esteem and self-worth is often caused by:

Negative labeling: Examples include “stupid,” “naughty,” “bad,” “ugly” and “weird.”

Harmful criticism: For children, this often means being criticized for mistakes. Since they’re learning and developing, it’s important to correct mistakes without harsh language. 

Pressure to achieve: With excessive pressure to do well, children can get the message that even their best isn’t good enough, or they’re only valuable if they achieve something. 

Beauty standards: Comparing physical appearance to others, children can feel they need to measure up to unrealistic standards.  

Abuse or neglect: Numerous studies have proven that abuse, neglect and other trauma negatively affect self-esteem and self-worth in children. 

Being bullied: Similar to abuse, children who are bullied often find themselves dealing with lower self-esteem and self-worth.

Discrimination: Being made to feel like differences are a bad thing can cause damage to self-esteem and self-worth. For all of us, including children, this includes our race, cultural identity, religion, gender or even physical characteristics. 

Mental health struggles: Undiagnosed and untreated mental health struggles can impact our self-esteem negatively. In turn, damaged self-worth and self-esteem can perpetuate anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions. 

Signs a Child May Be Struggling with Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

Children’s habits, demeanor and attitudes aren’t very subtle. Sure, there might be little differences here and there, but consistent or drastic changes are likely noticeable to those closest to them. If a child’s self-esteem and self-worth have been damaged, they may exhibit signs that they’re struggling and need help.

These signs might include: 

• Negative self-talk
• Critical of their appearance
• Comparing themselves to others
• Withdrawing, including avoiding social interaction and activities
• Cheating or lying
• Anxiety when trying something new, or avoidance of trying new things altogether
• Inability to move on from mistakes
• Turning to inappropriate coping mechanisms, including self-harm, outbursts or bullying

Tips for Helping Children Build Their Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

No child is immune to challenges. There are bound to be moments in a child’s life when their self-esteem and self-worth are tested — it’s just part of the human experience. But when these experiences happen, a strong foundation of self-esteem and self-worth can serve as an anchor in storms.

Discover how parents and caregivers can help their child develop and strengthen these important traits:

Model healthy self-esteem and self-worth: As the saying goes, “We can’t be what we can’t see.” So seeing parents and caregivers exhibit a strong sense of healthy self-esteem and self-worth is one of the best ways for children to learn these qualities. 

Spend quality time together: Research illustrates a proven link between social connections (like our closer relationships) and better mental health. These links show improved depression and anxiety, better empathy, more cooperation and higher self-esteem. 

Believe in them and their abilities: Help children find enjoyment in the process instead of only the achievement. This cultivates an attitude of eagerness to try new things and identify new skills. 

Provide opportunities to develop responsibility: Studies show that responsibility and accountability are critical to building healthy self-esteem and self-worth. Even small responsibilities around the home or with family can help children see how they matter.

Show encouragement: It may sound simple, but it can be a game-changer: Cheer children on! Especially when they’re struggling with something challenging, a little encouragement from a parent or caregiver can help children learn to stick with it.

Challenge beliefs: Especially when a child is feeling down or disappointed, find a gentle way to disagree. For example, if a homework assignment comes back with a low grade and a child responds with, “I guess I’m just not smart enough,” kindly push back and provide concrete examples of why the negative belief isn’t true.

Tell them you love them: When children know they’re loved, they can learn to love themselves. And more than telling them, show them. Sincerely remind them of all the things that make them special and remind them often. 

Look to KVC for Help and Support

Building self-esteem and self-worth is a lifelong process that calls for patience and endurance. And at KVC, we can help parents and caregivers gain a healthier connection to their children. A professional team of counselors and therapists is ready to help your child improve their mental health and wellbeing. If you’re worried about your child, contact your local KVC today.