Why is emotional regulation such an important skill to teach your child or teen? Regulating emotions is key to healthy interpersonal relationships, positive social experiences and a peaceful, stable life. Emotional regulation is a lifelong skill, and your child can use these strategies someday in the workplace, with friends and with their own family someday! And as you help your child, you can help yourself too.

Let’s explore how an Emotion Regulation Plan can help your child thrive, and how to enhance your own emotional regulation skills at the same time.

Why Emotional Regulation Might be One of the Most Important Skills You Teach Your Child

Effectively regulating our emotions is foundational to our wellbeing. Having strong emotional regulation skills can lead to:

• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Stronger mental health, including better coping with depression and anxiety
• Greater emotional stability and fewer mood swings
• Stronger self-awareness (which can help your child or teen stop outbursts before they start)
• Increased self-esteem, resilience and the ability to bounce back from life’s challenges
• Fewer conflicts and fights in relationships with family and friends
• Enhanced empathy, leading to stronger connections 
• More productivity and stronger focus in the classroom 

How Emotional Regulation Can Help You as a Parent

As parents, we often focus on supporting our children’s emotional wellbeing. But emotional regulation can benefit us, too. Whether you’re managing the morning rush to work, handling meltdowns with a toddler or navigating the ups and downs of teen years, developing strong emotional regulation skills can make a meaningful difference in your day-to-day life, both as a parent and as a person!

When you practice emotional regulation, you’re able to create a more peaceful and supportive home environment. Children naturally look to parents as role models on handling emotions. So, when you model calmness and composure, you’re teaching valuable lessons. It also strengthens your bond by creating safety and stability. When you remain calm, your child is more likely to as well — even during difficult moments.

Plus, emotional regulation helps you respond rather than react. It gives you a moment to pause, assess the situation and choose a thoughtful response instead of reacting impulsively in the heat of the moment. This can prevent conflicts from escalating and help you maintain a positive connection with your child. 

How to Create an Emotion Regulation Plan with Your Child

Talking about emotions and identifying feelings with a supportive parent who is calm, caring and understanding, can be empowering and impactful. As a child grows, teaching them how to manage their feelings is an important building block. 

It only takes three steps to create an Emotion Regulation Plan with your child. First, start by clicking here to download our template. Then follow these steps to build the plan:

Step 1: Identify Triggers

Help your child identify three to five “triggers” they experience most often. A trigger is something that causes intense emotions. Triggers can be situations, like going to the doctor or the first day of school. Triggers can be people, like meeting someone new for the first time. Triggers can even be smells, like the smell of a food you don’t like, or sensations, like the feeling of an itchy tag on a t-shirt! 

Then talk about what happens when they experience those triggers. What emotions do they feel? Maybe it feels scary, overwhelming, frustrating or like the room is spinning. How does their body react? Maybe it feels like an upset stomach, or a too-fast heartbeat. Discussing what happens when these triggers happen is a great way to coach your child towards self-awareness. When we understand our triggers, we’re better equipped to handle them!

Step 2: Identify Coping Skills

Next, identify coping skills (safe people, places and activities) to help develop positive habits and tame intense emotions. Without coping skills, outbursts are harder to manage and we can default to unhealthy methods. Unhealthy coping can look like self-harm, acting out or saying harmful things to others, substance abuse or other risky behaviors. 

Talk to your child or teen about three safe coping techniques: 

• Safe People: These individuals make your child feel safe and listen when they need to talk. They may be family members, neighbors, friends or a school counselor. Make sure to write down phone numbers so they always know how to contact them.
• Safe Places: Think through places your child has available to them at most times. For example, you won’t want to list the zoo because it isn’t always open or accessible. A neighborhood playground or even their bedroom are good options. List a place that is available, comforting and relaxing.
• Safe Activities: These distract your child and calm them down. Think: going for a walk, kicking a soccer ball, reading a book, playing games, dancing or listening to calming music. Younger children might like coloring or reading a book about emotions and feelings. These activities can also be part of a mental health toolkit that you break out whenever your child feels intense emotions.

Step 3: Evaluate and Adjust

Now it’s time to put the plan into action and strengthen it as you go. When your child experiences intense emotions, have them try out a few of their coping skills. As a parent or caregiver, stay curious and observant. What worked? What didn’t?

After an emotional moment, when your child is regulated and able to calmly reflect with you, talk about the plan. For younger children, ask them how they felt after they used their coping skills. If they could do it over again, which coping skill would they want to try? For older children and teens, talk through both the trigger and the coping skills. Take care not to blame your child for the emotional experience itself, but to commend them for being willing to talk about it together.

If they experience a trigger that isn’t listed on the plan and they’re likely to experience it again, add it to the plan. Remember, an Emotion Regulation Plan is meant to work for each individual, so adapt it to work best for them.

Click here to download the Emotion Regulation worksheet template

Tips for Developing an Emotion Regulation Plan with Your Child

• Complete the worksheet together in a supportive, calm space when your child is not actively dysregulated. Make sure your child (and you!) knows there’s no pressure. If it starts to feel overwhelming, pause and revisit later.
• Model good emotional regulation for your child by filling out your own Emotion Regulation Plan and letting them help by making suggestions. You might learn something new about yourself in the experience!
• Encourage your child to do most of the talking and come up with ideas on their own, making suggestions if they ask for help.
• Do not minimize or downplay the emotions or experiences your child identifies.
• If your child selects coping skills that aren’t realistic (like getting ice cream every time they feel sad), ask them to walk you through what that would look like in real life. Provide simple feedback and help them come up with a more realistic idea, but don’t get into a power struggle if your child is resistant.
• Take breaks as needed, especially if this activity brings up intense emotions or your child seems fatigued.
• Don’t expect the first draft to be perfect. It will take your child time to learn to identify their emotions and the regulation techniques that work for them.
• Hang their Emotion Regulation Plan up somewhere they can easily access it as needed.
• For young children or those very new to emotional regulation, help them start identifying the Zones of Regulation that are often used in school settings. These zones break down emotional states into four colors, making it easier for children to identify where they are and work towards a healthier emotional state. This feelings chart from LovetoKnow is another handy visual for identifying emotions.

Strategies for Your Own Emotional Regulation

By prioritizing your own emotional wellbeing, you not only enhance your ability to parent effectively but also model healthy coping strategies for your child. Together, you and your child can build a foundation of emotional awareness and resilience that will serve you both for years to come. Here are a few simple ways you can develop your own emotional regulation skills:

• Take deep breaths: Yes! Simply breathing in and out can make a big difference. When emotions run high, take a few slow, deep breaths. This calms your nervous system and gives you space to respond thoughtfully. 
• Name your emotions: Just as you teach your child to name their feelings, do the same for yourself. Acknowledge when you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated or anxious. This self-awareness helps you manage emotions effectively.
• Pause and reflect: If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, give yourself permission to pause. Stepping away for a moment can help you approach the situation with more clarity.
• Lean on support: You don’t have to go it alone! Talk to a friend, partner or therapist when you need support. Sharing your feelings and gaining perspective can be incredibly grounding.
• Practice self-compassion: No one gets it right 100% of the time. Be kind to yourself and remember that you’re learning alongside your child.

How KVC Can Help

Learning how to navigate emotions is a normal part of growing up. But for some children and teens, emotional dysregulation gets in the way of everyday life. If you’re concerned about your child’s behavior or worried they may be having mental health challenges, there is hope. KVC can help. From in-home family support to children’s residential and inpatient mental health treatment to school and community-based services, KVC Health Systems provides behavioral health treatment and support across multiple states. Learn more about KVC’s services here, and take a look at our Mental and Behavioral Health services to see what is available near you.