(Above: Danya with her teenage son Naser.)

As the sun rises in Overland Park, Kansas, Danya wakes up like most working moms with many things on her mind. She needs to help her 14-year-old son Naser get out the door on time for school, keeping in mind what he needs for football practice later. She also has her own work to prepare for, looking ahead to a busy day at the University of Kansas Center for Technology Commercialization, where she and the team help KU inventors translate their innovative research into products for societal benefit.

Now, the future looks bright and is filled with unlimited possibilities, but it wasn’t always that way. At one point, Danya felt so low and hopeless that she didn’t want to keep living. It would take someone really seeing Danya’s heart and encouraging that spark of life within her, to help her keep taking steps to become the woman she is today.

The Beginning: A Childhood Marked by Cultural Differences, Trauma

Danya as a young child with her mother

Growing up, Danya was a happy child known for being outspoken and fun-loving. She was born and raised in Damascus, Syria by her mother and grandparents. When she was 10, Danya’s parents decided she would join her father and his new family in the U.S., but reality was different than the dream.

“The physical abuse started within two weeks,” said Danya. “I really didn’t know my father. He left the country when I was a baby and settled in the Kansas City area. My mom was just trying to do the right thing for me. During a family fight that I was not involved in, my father punched me in my mouth. I was shocked. That was the first time I had ever been hit. My lip was bruised, and I stayed home from school.” After that, being hit for every little thing became the norm. She felt like she was living in a never-ending nightmare. Anytime her father thought she did something wrong, he would hit her without taking the time to find out if she misbehaved.

Things at school weren’t any easier for Danya. “I got picked on for being Middle Eastern and different. So, it became this vicious cycle of physical violence at school, defending myself, and coming home to more physical violence from my caretaker for getting in trouble at school. This went on for years and I felt helpless. There was no way out.”

There was one way out. Some of her elementary school classmates noticed a bruise. They told a teacher who reported it. Workers from the state child welfare agency started visiting her house, but her father didn’t cooperate. He insisted that Danya needed to behave and that he could discipline his child however he wanted.

Things finally came to a head when Danya’s involvement in another fight got her suspended from school. Her father saw her at home and said, “I don’t have time to deal with this now, but I’m going to take care of you tonight.” For her, this was the last straw: Danya decided to swallow a handful of pills.

It was a decision she immediately regretted. “I thought – maybe I don’t want to die, but I just know I don’t want to live.” She called a suicide hotline that she’d heard about at school during a mental health presentation. “The ambulance came, and the paramedics gave me charcoal to induce vomiting.” Though doctors continuously asked why she did it, she knew she couldn’t tell them. The truth was that her life had become unbearable, a monotony of abuse, fear, pain and isolation.

Disruption: Danya Enters Foster Care

After the attempt, Danya spent a month at Camber Children’s Mental Health Kansas City, one of KVC’s inpatient psychiatric hospitals for youth. For the first time in years, she felt relieved and calm. The staff were kind, and she was safe. It confirmed what she already knew: life with her father was not going to work.

A short period after, Danya and her father had an argument, and she finally spoke up for herself. She told him she would rather live anywhere else but with him. By this time, the state was involved, and she had a social worker. Her father dropped her off at KU’s hospital and told her to call the worker to pick her up.

The state’s priority is to keep kids with their families. But after her father abandoned her, it became clear that was not going to be possible, and the decision was made to remove her from her home permanently. Danya entered foster care at 13 years old.

At this time in the early 1990s, Kansas was experiencing historic challenges in its foster care system. Due to how the system was underperforming for children, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) filed a lawsuit against the state. The 1993 settlement of the case resulted in significant reforms, eventually leading to the state to partner with private nonprofits like KVC Kansas to deliver high-quality child welfare services.

Foster care was successful in protecting Danya from physical abuse, but it wasn’t stable. Like many teens in the system, she moved frequently between foster and group homes. These moves exacerbated her emotional turmoil, stress, and mental health challenges.

Although KVC was not yet a case management provider with direct responsibility for children in foster care, it did provide places for youth to stay, and Danya ended up at one of its group homes.

This placement is where she met Tonya, a caring KVC worker who made a profound difference in her life.

Danya with Tonya, who previously worked at KVC. They’ve stayed friends over 30 years.

“When I met Danya, she was angry and hurt,” said Tonya. “She was picked on a lot but she wasn’t afraid to defend herself. I knew she didn’t want to fight, but she felt she had no choice.”

While most people were turned off by Danya’s teenage emotions and behavior, Tonya wasn’t. “One of the first things I noticed about Danya is that she stood up for the others who didn’t have the strength to stand up for themselves. I decided to pour into her what I felt she was missing: love.” recalled Tonya.

Danya remembers Tonya similarly: “Most people who knew me back then always commented on how angry I was. They stayed away from me because I was a lot to handle. Not Tonya, she saw past the wall I put up and recognized my potential. She could see who I was capable of becoming once I dealt with everything that happened to me.”

This relationship was an important one; it became the catalyst for change, empowering Danya to believe in herself and her dreams.

Aging Out, Overcoming the Odds, & Finding Family

Danya (right) reunited with her mother Sanna

At the age of 17, Danya was allowed to move into her own apartment if she met certain conditions such as obtaining her GED, saving money, and having stable employment.

She felt lonely with no support system and turned to drinking heavily as a way to cope with the pain. It was much later that she would learn and understand how the trauma of her childhood created mental health needs that could only be met through connection to other caring people and professional help, including therapy.

At age 22, Danya received a call that would change her life forever. After a long search, a relative on her mother’s side of the family found her. “I realized there were people who cared about me.” After nearly 15 years of separation, she was reunited with mother and lived with her aunt and uncle in Italy for a couple of years. The experience gave her joy, connection, and a sense of closure.

It was this turn of events that motivated her to keep pushing forward. She was now ready and able to think about her future. She came back to the States and began her academic journey.

Rising Above: Education, Motherhood and Career Success

The statistics about youth who age out of foster care without a permanent family or home are very dim. Only 3-10 percent earn a bachelor’s degree. Many end up homeless, incarcerated or unexpectedly pregnant. Danya says these numbers motivated her to create a different ending.

“I didn’t want to be a statistic. I knew that education provides financial stability, which impacts every other aspect of our lives, including the kind of healthcare services we have access to. I felt I deserved a better life than I had thus far, and I was determined to give that to myself. ”

Danya with her son Naser in 2017.

In the last two decades, Danya completed a B.B.A, earned an M.B.A. and raised a boy (now 14) who has his mother’s wit, outgoing personality and zest for life.

Having enjoyed a successful career in marketing, including running her own consultancy practice, she is ready to turn her attention to a new field where she feels she can make the most impact: law.

“There are many reasons I decided to pursue a law degree. Advocacy and representation are big ones. As a woman of color, it’s important for me to empower other women like me to start their own businesses and navigate the legal aspects of incorporating. I plan to offer these services to help reduce barriers of entry into entrepreneurship. My life is about using my experiences to ease the path for someone else. Mentorship is at the heart of that.”

More than 30 years later, Danya continues to stay connected to Tonya from KVC, one of her long-time mentors. Tonya said, “Because of the bond we built during her troubled youth and the love that grew between us, we are still close friends today. She is my family, and her son as well.”

These days, there are more supports available to youth like Danya who age out of care. Youth emerging from foster care can now receive tuition assistance, extended medical coverage and limited financial assistance. However, more support is welcomed and needed so each young person can reach their full potential. Contact us for ways to support youth like Danya emerging from foster care or learn more about becoming a foster or adoptive parent.